Falter again

Hating the fact that your all alone.... we shivers from within. sometimes, we dont know the reason but stil our essence falter. I dont know what might happened on the next few days but I need to be recharge. Few months ago, I am on a very positive perspective until now, my ideals are diminiscin... I dont want to feel empty but once in a while, I am tired of filling my self with unfelt perceptions. Sometimes, we have to be alone to understand our own ghost that halowed our very light..... I miss my friends, I miss all the funny things that makes me smile a lot. I guess I cannot really turn back the hands of time. I think I need to do is to peek on the unseen future and face it bravely and wholeheartedly... Hmm.. I felt so tired right now.. Tired for the uncertainties that might come along my way. I wish I am still back at the four corners of my dear alma matter, where all dreams are ideals and where I used to dream beyond the box. I wish..how I really wish....

nostalgic bid to gryffindors....

i just finished reading ( at last!) the last book of my beloved harry potter series....
honestly, i never expect that i can read that since i was just planning to save ( omg! i knew its super impossible!) money for me to buy at least a second hand of it...but thanks to my boss who had a lot of ebooks ( haha he gave all the books ive long to reaD!) my longing for the seventh book comes into quench... first, ive got frustrated bcoz one of my classmate in high school gave me a ms word formated 7th book which, very very much disappointing coz its a fake one!! amp... ive hardly finished the 500 plus pages of that stupid book when as my reading progress, it seems so different to what my fren told me the book is all about... and so when i finished reading it, it makes me so furious to end up wasting plenty of time plus electricity ( reading it on a computer!). well, stepping aside all the anguished and hurdles, ive finally take hold of the true book...

hayzz.... nakakalungkot. over the years ive been looking forward in waiting and wanting to read harry potter and engulf its magical world.. jk rowling is right... the ending that she had given to it is the best ending we could all ask for... seeing the line between love and death... just like all the books that ive read... there are many chapters that made me cry and so it is... i feel like reading harry potter book is my sanctuary of my childish personality...dreamer yet ambitious, full of love and afraid to be hurt and further..to die... it always gave me a new dimension where i can be a harry potter finding all my weaknesses and try hard to be brave to face it and cure it... as everything goes out naturally, and everything always have an ending... well, everything that i have left within the four walls of hogwarts, all my dreams and imaginations that drives and have casted those forbidden curse and all the things ive learned and confide as ive grow together with the witches and wizards... i laud and thank harry potter series and jk.... you have no idea how much this sage had influence me through and through.... it made me wiser and good.

...hala.parang ako ang sumulat ng book sa mga wordings ko..hehehe...wah.. sad thing... how i wish at the upcoming time i will be able to have the 7 book collection of it and have a whole week worry free time just reading it from the start until the end...hehehe... what a dream but i know it will happen..just like hogwarts..unimagined.../

""""it is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness""""...headmaster A.D.

tatak PUP, true to life story!

tatak PUP, true to life story!

Aug 9, '08 2:11 AM for everyone

NAGULAT AKO AT NAMANGHA, NAPAGTRIPAN KONG HANAPIN ANG PANGALAN KO SA INTERNET AT NANG LUMABAS ANG YAHOO SEARCH RESULT NG NAME KO, NAKITA KO ANG ISANG BLOG ENTRY NA TOH....HAHA ANG TAGAL NA NG ENTRY NA TOH NA NAISULAT NG AUTHOR PERO NGAUN KO LANG NABASA....AT EWAN KO BA, SOMEHOW IT TOUCHES MY HEART... PROUD AND THUMBS UP AS A WRITER, NAKAINFLUENCE PALA ANG SINULAT KO AND AS A PUPian, I FEEL PROUD FOR THE AUTHOR NITO FOR ACKNOWLEDGING HIS ALMA MATTER...
hehe sana mainspire din keo sa blog entry nya☺☺☺


BLOG ENTRY NI JAN RICHARD RENES
OCTOBER 3, 2005
1:34PM



look at the medal... not the logo


ok... this is one of my "serious" posts...
hehehe...

as i told you... i won 3rd place from the university impromptu speaking competition from PUP...

i never expected a medal... honestly.

the first time i saw the medal, it made me think... is this achievement important?!? im just from PUP...
i felt like the medal had no weight because of the logo imbeded on it.

then i realized... i'm not the only one experiencing this problem... a lot of students from PUP dont like PUP at all... they're just there because its the school with the lowest tuition fee.
and everybody knows the fact that i NEVER wanted to study in PUP. i was practically forced, because of financial constraints.

everywhere you go...
whoever you ask...
PUP is known as a cheap school with dirty sudents, corrupt faculty and is a haven for activists...
I dont like this fact.
it just makes me want to leave PUP.

the latest issue of The Catalyst(PUP's school paper) even has an article about this...

this story is from www.thecatalystph.info

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Unzipped
S.K.U.L. Acronyms
By Eira M. Hassim



Tanda ko pa ang araw na iyon. Kagagaling ko lang noon ng Mendiola at nakasakay ako sa isang dyip papuntang Cubao. Nagmamadali kasi ako dahil defense pa naman namin nun sa Ad subject namin. May nakasabay akong dalawang kapwa ko estudyante na “ sosyalan” ang dating kung poise and bearing lang din ang labanan. Sila si Ate Rebond hair at si Ate Brace Teeth. Si Ate Rebond Hair ay nakapang-nursing uniform with its pink skul logo while si Ate Brace Teeth naman ay mapagkakamalan mong puno dahil sa berdeng berde nyang uniporme.

Dumukot ako ng barya sabay sabing, “manong bayad po, dyan lang po sa tapat ng Jollibee Fernandos, estudyante po.” Aba! Tama ba namang lingunin ako ng mga sosyalerang ito! But anyways, hindi ko sila pinansin dahil baka nagkataon lang ang paglingon nila.

Maya-maya, nagulat ako ng kausapin ako ni Ate Brace Teeth at tinanong, “Ah, excuse me, from where school are you?” Nagulat ako at namangha. Ngunit saglit lamang iyon at sinagot siya ng “PUP Sta. Mesa!” Ang dalawang bruha, bumirit ng tawa. “PUP, so your studying pala sa Paaralan ng mga Ulila’t Pulubi.” Ang mga kasamahan naming pasahero ay nakitawa na rin! Ang sama ng mga bruha. Aba, nilalait nila ang aking sintang paaralan. Ayos lang sana kung pagkatao o itsura ko na lang ang nilalait ng mga ito, matatanggap ko pa. Ngunit gayong ang aking pandayan ng karunungan na nilalait nila, hindi ko ata yun mapapayagan. Hindi ba nila alam na ang nilalait nilang paaralan ay hindi hamak namang may kwenta kaysa sa kanila kung kalibre lang din ng edukasyon ang pinag-uusapan.

Wag nilang ipagmalaki ang de-aircon nilang mga classroom dahil kung lamig lang din ang pag-uusap, mas malamig namang di hamak ang west wing ng PUP, hayun nga lang, paminsan may kasama pang ulan. Alin pa ba ang ipagmamalaki nila? Alin, yung school reputation nila? Alin dun? ‘Ung bang kaunting examination passers nila? O yung sinasabi nilang easy to find job ‘coz school background matters?

Well, reality hits company nowadays. Ang kakayahan ng tao ang mas matimbang kaysa kung saang eskwelahan ka galing. Mas mahalaga ang may utak at may karanasan kaysa walang muwang sa mundo. Hehehe. Hindi survivor type ika nga! Ang pinagkaibahan nga lang talaga ay ang tuition fee. Mas naaawa nga ako sa kanila dahil ang laki ng tuition nila pero hindi naman worth it. Sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan, ang dali daw makakuha ng flat 1 sa kanila (galing siya sa school ni Ate Brace Teeth) ang sabi ko naman, siyempre, yung finals kasi nyo, eh quiz lang namin.Bigla akong bumalik sa realidad. Kinalabit ko si Ate Rebond Hair at tinanong “from what school ba kayo ate?” Ngumisi siya sabay turo sa school logo sa damit niya, pagmamalaki nya pa. “Ah, sa Cash Earned University pala kayo galing. Sabi ko na nga ba, kaya pala Cupas ang Estayl ng Uniporme nyo. Sana baguhin yang uniporme nyo pati na rin ung Cupas na Establishment ng University nyo.” Natameme si Ate Rebond Hair at binalingan ko naman si Ate Brace Teeth, “Ah, ikaw ate, alam ko kung saang school ka. Sa Fast Earned University ‘no? Alam mo ate maganda talaga dyan sa school nyo, ang dali daw kumita pati mga estudyante, basta sakay ka lang sa mga car na naka-park sa labas ng school ninyo, kikita ka na!”

Parang napipi ang namumulang mga sosyalera. Namamangha namang nakatitig sa akin ang mga pasaherong kanina lamang ay tumatawa sa pang-iinsulto ng dalawa. Aba! Ang isang PUPian ay hindi nagsusumikap mag-aral para lamang hamakin ng kung sinong nagmamagaling. Dahil, kayang-kaya naming makipagsabayan sa kahit na kanino. “At sya nga pala mga ate,” baling ko pa sa dalawa. “Luma na po yung Paaralan ng mga Ulilat Pulibi, may bago na po ngayon. PUP stands for Philippines Ultimate Pride bearer, sabay sabing “MANONG, PARA!”


the writer is a 2nd year student taking up Bachelor in Advertising and Public Relations.
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the story REALLY made me think...
if i wasnt in PUP, would i have had the same reaction as these 2 girls? would i be disgusted with PUPians?
i think...

i can actually relate to the situation of the PUP student in the story...
i have friends who are students of the schools who laughed at the PUP student. but i know they wont do that to me. (or would they?)

when i meet people from high school, i still cant say my school proudly. if they ask me... "jan, san ka na ba nag-aaral?" i cant seem to utter the 3 deadly letters "PUP", i just show them my ID. and as i watch their reactions...
some go like this...
"oh my god! ano nang nangyari sayo? ok ka lang ba?"
there's more...
"ahhhhhhh... ohhh keeeeei..."

but because of these situations... i became more objective rather than looking at things in a superficial way.
as the title of my post says... "look at the medal... not the logo"... it simply implies that we need to look at the person's achievements and not just where he/she came from.

now i realize... even though i REALLY dont like PUP...
PUP changed me.
for the better.

pahabol na komento: sna since ilang taon na ang nakalipas, naway natanggap na nya ng lubusan ang PUP hehe
emh//

cowerdice or not-so-sensible act

cowerdice or not-so-sensible act

Aug 8, '08 10:23 PM for everyone

I always analyzed my thoughts every now and then...Im having a hard time to justify things coz they are either complicated in nature or its just me dat terrifies them.... Sometimes, or rather most of the times, I oblige my self to believe that my decisions are right and valid..you know, that sort of mindset that if im going to chose a decision, i will be very into it and have the dignity to accept the consequences.... I am always like that in my entire life... Well, dats me being selfish, isnt it? hahaha eventually, wen i go and scrutinize things, ive realized that everytime i was thinking of things will work in order, the more they are hard to be figured out... right... i was dwell in the fact that everytime i was thinking, i might say, i was overflown with different thoughts and Im lost in the middle of it.. sometimes, i cant think what im supposed to think or say... they just end up being rubbish and nonesense at all.... funny thing is everytime that we tried to formulate our reasonings to the choses that we will make, our minds will just flood with uncertainty and hard acceptance of truth..the naked truth about our decisions.... most of us, are afraid of this fact. we tell ourselves we are ready for the result of our actions, but the truth is... even in our selves, we are afraid to think of whats going to be the true result of it....this is why we end up lost in our seas of thought and left it the way it is on our minds... noit organized, untidy and full of hesitations.... the sad truth is that sometimes, its the result in action that happened first before we can finally put together our thoughts..... you know why it is? its because like what i said, we cant bear to imagine the true result of it and just waited for that real thing to happen.... um, not so sure if its cowardice or just a simple not-so-sensible act...☺☻☺☻

emh//

Etisoppo

Etisoppo

Jul 25, '08 3:20 AM for everyone

Falling outside my window..Im listening to the singsong against the rain of my sad memoirs...
Dwindle in the vast landscape of my seas...I am pulling myself to be drivel.....
I dont know why Im shamble towards the path I perceived I might walk through...
Its just that I am following the shadow of my shadow....
I can feel myself drifting in the darkest water in my innermost lake...
And I cant see a weed to hold on to....

Now...as the lighning strikes it sheds some light towards me.....

Slowly... I need to absorb it in my system....

Faith, whether its for real or reel, nevertheless, it doesnt matter anymore...
I realized that the library of books nor having a hundred experiences is not a jury of yourself..
You might be trap in the idea of having its platform to your dignity or principles...
But sooner or later.. you might have the agony of being confused...
Its deliberately superficial..injustice, you can feel the mediocre of your mirrors...

I guess.. I have to live my everyday into its everyday....
Do things in the way it should be done...
To fit in the right fit where everybody else fits...
Smile when everyone around you is smiling...
And to be drastic as of things are getting drastic...
Is this what I am supposed to be?
My ideals are getting thinner but I know Im not loosing it....
Its stil here, but the reality is eating it slowly....

I feel bad... terribly bad about what the time is giving me....
I am learning and growing....but I am getting far from myself....
The underlying will for my imaginary trails is begging for prowess....
And I cant do anything about it....I have to let things be...for now....
But I wont be enough until I can found where to start my path...

Maybe tomorrow..next year... perhaps in the upcoming longer years...
Come what may.. Ill keeping it alive....

Coz there are things you cant easily forget....
This is what you called DREAMS....

emh//

kahong natapon sa bintana

kahong natapon sa bintana

Jun 18, '08 8:26 AM for everyone

bakit nga ba mahirap kalimutan ang nakaraan?
8:05pm
nanunuod ako ng bleach sa youtube, at dhil matagal mgdownload, naisipan kong magbasa....nakita ko ang isang pamilyar na lintana ng mga salita sa isang mayumi at kahanga hangang pahina sa likod ng www.kaibigan.com.... haha nakakatuwa, ngaun ko lng ulit nabasa ang mga pahina na un.. at tulad ng dati, patuloy akong humahanga sa ganda nito at galing ng manunulat.... naisip ko, sobrang galing talaga ng gumawa nitoh, at nasasabik na akong muling magsanga ang landas namin tungo sa propesyong maghawangis kami.... haha un na siguro ang pinakamagandang bagay, sa ngaun, na nagdadala ng ngiti sa magulo kong buhay..ang pagdating ng araw na iyon..... binasa ko mabuti ang mga salitang nakasulat...sobra.ang husay talaga nyang gumawa, para bang ang mga letra at pagkakahabi ng mga kataga ay isang sinaunang panorama na nagtatago sa bawat sulok ng komikong mga salita...sa mga oras na toh.... bumalik sa aking balintanaw ang isang lumang pangarap at nagapos na pag ibig sa pagsusulat.... sa tingin ko, itoh ang araw na nagbigay ulit ng liwanag sa isang pumanglaw na bahagi ng aking buhay.... naisip ko, siguro nga, may mga pangarap na mahirap itapon na lng bigla sa bintana.... at natutuwa ako at nang itinapon ko ang bahaging iyon ay hindi itoh napulot na ibang tao sa tapat ng aking bintana.... nagpapasalamat ako sa taong iyon.lagi na lang nyang naitutuwid ang landas ko, khit di nya alam...hehe siguro nga, xa ang liwanag na tatanglaw sa daan ko.... salamat....hay.... mukhang nahihilig na kong magsulat sa tagalog ah? haha ok din pala toh kung minsan....hehe

--------------natapos ang paghahabi ng sulat natoh na sinumulan sa isang matamis na ngiti at natapos sa isang mas matamis na ngiti---------------------

--------------ay, muntik ko nang nakalimutan, bakit kaya iba ang ating mga pangarap sa madalas na takbo ng ating mga panaginip?---------

si mama saaking likuran at harapan

si mama saaking likuran at harapan

Jun 6, '08 10:08 AM for everyone

kwento ng isang batang binaybay ang kahabaan ng divisoria kasama ang kanyang ina....

hawak ng ina ang kamay ng anak habang tagaktak ang pawis na nilalakad ang kahabaan ng divisoria upang marating ang dulong bahagi upang magpunta sa bahay ng isang kamag anak... siksikan, at ang mga tindera at mamimili ay parang mga langgam na nakikipag unahan sa tila may hinahabol na panahon.... nagpupumiglas ang kamay ng bata, sinisikap na alisin ang mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa palapulsuan niya ng kanyang ina...

ang kanyang ina, abala sa paglinga kung saan pwedeng lumusot sa kapal ng mga tao, mabilis ang mga hakbang at yakad ang kamay ng anak..

anak: mama, saan po ba tau pupunta? bakit tau nasa gitna ng kalsada, baka po masagaan tau ng sasakyan?

ina: anak, kung dun tau sa gilid dadaan, maiipit tau lalo sa kapal ng mga tao, at dito naman sa gitna ay ligtas naman dahil sa dami ng mga paninda sa gitna ng kalsada, hindi uusad ang mga sasakyan dito, magtiwala ka lng, mas madali ang landas na toh...

pinilit ng anak na sumunod sa paglakad ng ina, hanngang marating nila ang unahan kalyeng lilikuan nila....

sa pagkakataong itoh, binitiwan ng ina ang kamay ng anak at hinayaang mauna sa paglalakad ang anak... tahimik lamang ang ina habng hinahayaang ang anak ang manguna sa paglusot sa mga eskinita.... ang anak naman sa kabilang banda ay lihim na nayamot sa ina.... naisip nya bakit kaninang alam niya ang kanyang dadaanan at patutunguhan ay pinangunahan siya ng kanyang ina ngayong di nya tiyak ang direksyon ng pupuntahan nya ay tsaka sya pinabayaan ng ina at walang imik na sinusundan lng ang landas na tinatahak nya......sa puntong hindi na nya alam kung saan lulusot sa daanang di pamilyar, hinawakan ulet ng ina ang kamay ng anak at inakay siya patungo sa direksyong pupuntahan nila........

sa daan pauwi, di napighilan ng anak na tanungin ang ina kung bakit sya nitong hinayaang hanapin ang direksyon nila kanina...ang savi ng ina....

ina: inakay kita sa landas na kinuha mu kanina at ipinakita ko sau na sa pinili mo ay mas magandang parte pa kung saan mas mapapabuti ka, at hinahayaan kita na ikaw ang humanap ng direksyon kanina dahil gusto kong mula sa payo ko ay matuto kang maghanap ng sarili mong daan...

ito ang tatandaan mo anak, kapag ako ay nasa harapan mo, dadalhin kita sa landas na sa tingin ko ay mas mapapabuti ka...pawang sa ikakabuti mo ang lahat ng ginagawa ko, andito ako upang magpayo at magsilbing taga handa mo sa mundong dadaanan mo....

at sa tuwing nasa likuran mo lng ako, binabantayan ko ang mga hakbang mo na malaya mong pinipili sa buhay.... maligaw ka man sa paghahanap mo, nandito ako sa likuran mo para akayin ka pabaliksa tama.....

sa harap man o sa likod ng buhay mo, laging kabutihan mo lng ang nsa puso ko anak....iyon lamang....

------ pagmumuni ng isang anak sa piling ng isang daing na isda sa eskinita ng moriones tondo-------

-------tanda ko pa ang dyip na palayo sa likuran ng naglalakad kong ina--------